I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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