I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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