I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dignity is for republicans.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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