Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
