Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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