I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize