need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
