so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
