I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize