thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
