You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
