how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
