as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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