My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
