Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
