Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
