I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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