I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
