If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
