i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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