I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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