They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
