I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
