i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
