this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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