So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
