i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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