Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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