stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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