Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
