hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
