we have pet lesbian snakes
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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