can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize