and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
