I think my fart just growled at me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
