hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
