I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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