we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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