More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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