Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
