I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
