My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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