with your own penis?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
