My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
