I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
