Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize