so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize