dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
