i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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