He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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