i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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