He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
