quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
