its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
