you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
