Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
