Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
