not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I could make wine with my vomit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
