my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
