FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
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