Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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