he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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