The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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