i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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