Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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