Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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