Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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