NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
