Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you would pick up someone in the library
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
